Life at Your Own Pace (5/2/2010)

Everyone's life has a pace. From lazy to frenetic, we all live at a certain speed. It may change a bit during different seasons of life, getting more hectic in graduate school or after you have children, calming down a little when your kids are in college or you move from full time to part time work.

Many people I know feel their life is too full, too busy, too hectic. Days fly by in a flurry of driving, kids' activities, meal preparation, housecleaning, yard work, and, if they're lucky, a little personal grooming. Then they collapse in front of the television for an hour before going to bed. If you asked, most people would probably complain that they have too much to do in too little time.

I get a lot of "how do you find time to do that?" from friends and family. How do you find time to quilt and sew? How do you find time to write? How do you find time to take pictures? How do you find time to garden? How do you find time to volunteer?

Here's the big secret: you are in control of your own life's pace.

How do I find time? I make time for the things that are important to me. Unless you are a single mom working full time and taking care of multiple kids, you should be able to carve out some leisure time. (And if you are that busy single mom, you need leisure time more than the rest of us. Find a relative or friend who will take your kids off your hands regularly so you can breathe a little.)

Here's how I make time in my life, despite full time work and a toddler, for the things that are important to me:

1. I don't spend much time watching TV. Step number one to having more time: get rid of your cable. It is a complete waste of your life. You get almost nothing from it and you give hours and hours and hours. You'll also have more money with which you can afford a relaxing and satisfying hobby or two.

2. Like me, you may waste a bit too much time on the internet. My challenge lately is realizing when I'm just wasting time online and getting away from my desk and into a different room. Try turning your computer off (the actual computer, not just the monitor) at a certain time each night and don't turn it on again until the next day.

3. A spotless house is nice, but unless people are coming over, its not necessary. No, you should not allow strange flora or fauna to thrive in your bathroom and you probably don't want to be able to write your name in the dust on every surface, but really, is it that important to be spic and span every day? I do serious cleaning when I notice things are getting out of hand, but there are other ways to minimize your chore time. The best way, if you have kids, is to give them some freaking chores to do! When I got home from school every day there was a list for me and one for my sister. Those tasks were to be completed before mom got home. My firstborn sister did hers immediately. I stalled until I heard the car coming in the driveway. If you have children age 5 or older, they should be contributing to the upkeep of their home. Even my almost-2-year-old will help pick up his toys. Don't ask your kids for help, make it known that you expect it.

4. Drop some activities (and have your kids drop some activities) that aren't essential (and the only essential activity outside the home is working to pay the bills). If you're constantly trucking your kids to five different extracurricular activities you are wasting your life. Whoa! Did she just say that? Yes, I did. Kids don't need to do every activity that is available to them, and some studies show it may even be damaging to children to have every moment of the day scheduled and structured. Kids need time to just explore the backyard, have imaginative play in their rooms, read books, and interact with their families. They can't do that if they go right from school to soccer to dance class to piano lessons. Have them pick one activity and stick with it. You get the same lessons about teamwork if you just play baseball as you would if you play basketball and football as well. Your kids don't have to be good at everything and they don't have to experience everything you did (or didn't get a chance to experience). Life can be just as rich, and perhaps even richer, for a child who learns to relax with their family and just enjoy life. Some of my best memories are of simple moments at home.

5. While we're on the subject of kids . . . Some people get all of their joy from their children, and that's perfectly fine. But I'm not one of those people. My son has given me more joy than I could have imagined, but my entire life doesn't revolve around him, and he knows it. He knows that mommy works, that mommy has to eat too, that mommy is sometimes too busy to cater to his every whim. And that's good for him. Because the world doesn't revolve around any one of us, and the sooner we learn that lesson, the easier it is to get on in life.

6. Get help. If you can afford it, put your toddler in daycare part time. Get the grandparents to take your kids once a week. If you don't have kids or a spouse who can share the workload, pay someone to clean your house if you can afford it. Pay a neighborhood kid to do yardwork. When my mother comes for a visit, she asks if she should bring her cleaning supplies. We can chat just as easily while cleaning out the fridge together as we can sitting on the couch. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Those are just a few ways I make time for the things I love to do, a few ways I choose the pace of my life. Yes, I let some things go that perhaps type A people just couldn't do. But you do what's important to you and the rest will work itself out.

Make time for your family to just be together at home. Make time for yourself to do something creative or relaxing. Make life go at your pace. It is possible.